Written by Nadia Deen
Let’s be honest, ever since those rumours about Sting having 5-hour sex sessions in the 90s, the idea of Tantric sex has been both fashionable and intriguing. But’s it always held the impression of being a mystical experience that you can only achieve by hours of practice, dedication and becoming a spiritual leader. This is not the case.
What is Tantric Massage?
With roots based in ancient therapy with a modern twist, tantric massage enables you to connect with your partner in a more spiritual and conscious way, making relaxation and tranquillity the ultimate destination. It’s not “one size fits all”, it’s about being present in the moment and accepting ourselves and each other without judgement. Engaging all your chakra’s and using the transference of energy, tantric massage can be a deeply satisfying experience for both parties.
...and why should you be doing this?
Well apart from finding a new and deeper intimacy with your partner(s), there are many other health benefits including:
Improving your sexual stamina
Improving the quality of your orgasms
Great for pain and stress relief
Improving sleep
A great step towards healing emotional blockages and spiritual awakenings.
OK, so how do I perform a tantric massage?
Though you don’t need to be a mystic guru to confidently give a tantric massage, it’s important to do your research and a basic understanding of energy, chakra’s and massage would be helpful. The most important things to consider are;
No goal is the goal
Orgasms are great but this is not the focus of a tantric massage, rather it should be a delightful by-product. Primarily it’s about prolonging the intimate experience and controlling the sexual release.
This is a marathon, not a sprint
Make sure you have the time to fully indulge in your partner’s pleasure. Turn off your phone and your email notifications. If you live with others, make sure you won’t be disturbed by their presence or noise. It’s vital that you can feel completely at ease in your surrounding; there’s nothing more vibe killing than having to rush.
Be in the right state of mind
To give this type of massage it is vital that you are in the right state of mind beforehand. To avoid transference of unwanted energy, being calm and centred is the key; spend a few minutes beforehand in a quiet space clearing your thoughts and concentrating on your own breathing. Encourage your partner to do the same.
Set the mood
Your surroundings are just as important as the massage itself, so spend some time planning your environment. Consider the temperature, look, sound and feel of the room. Scented candles are great for creating a sensual ambience, why not invest in a massage candle? Simultaneously lighting the room, creating a delicate fragrance and providing a massage oil substitute.
Oil up
Whether a massage candle is or isn’t your thing, always have a surplus supply of massage oil handy.
Connecting with your partner
Now that you have set the scene, are in the right state of mind and are not in a hurry, another key element is connecting with your partner. Being emotionally open to each other will intensify intimacy and encourage feelings of surrender to your touch. Try holding on to your partner’s gaze and slowly synchronising your breathing.
The Massage
Have your partner lie on their front. Using warm oil, start in the middle of the back (Heart chakra) and firmly massage out towards the limbs. Imagine spreading the flow of energy around the body. Spend time massaging and touching neglected areas such as the balls of their feet, between fingers and the back of their arms. Remember; this is a mindful practice so be mindful their body’s reactions and needs at that moment. Spend at least a good 30mins engaging their whole body, front and back.
Erogenous zones
When you feel their body is receptive to a more sensual touch, start concentrating on obvious erogenous zones, such as breasts, inner thighs and lips, but avoiding the genital area. Try using different styles of touch, from gentle and light strokes to a firmer technique. As mentioned before the end goal is not to have an end goal. The key to a tantric genital massage is the delay and prolonging of release, so there’s no fun is going straight to the clitoris or penis head.
Genital Massage
Using liberal amounts of oil, start by placing one hand on your lover’s heart and the other their genitals, focusing on connecting the flow of energy between them both.
Starting with the perineum area (located between the anus and vaginal opening/under the testicles), gently and very slowly massage the area with balls of your fingers.
When your partner is ready, gently circle around the clitoris/head of the penis, always mindful of how their body reacts. This is a very sensitive area so again variations of gentle pressure are the most effective.
At this point, when you feel your partner is at their peak, play with different parts of their vulva/shaft/testicles, and use firmer strokes/caresses. An internal massage may now be desired. Again, the key is to observe and react to your partner’s body. If something is working continue!
This type of massage can evoke a range of feelings, emotions and releases that are unexpected for both of you, so like any good form of therapy, aftercare is essential. Practice conscious listening and affection and give your partner some quiet time alone to process the experience.